The Generic Villain Gives Thanks

The Generic Villain, realizing that stealing Thanksgiving as a whole is overall counterintuitive, decides to settle for commandeering today’s post.

Now ends the harvest season, and the minions begin to respond—to squabble over the furnace, forge and kitchen jobs, to grumble about endless clouds that are gray and not black, and to grumble their way into winter. How to deal with this? Look across the worlds. So I’m importing Thanksgiving—performing very small-scale, rather polite raids on the local villages for the food, setting the minions to the cooking and the decorations, and taking the time to reflect on what I’m thankful for.

I’m thankful for my sugar glider companion, Lilith. She’s everything a Hand of Darkness could want: good eyes, good ears, able to turn an enemy alchemist’s room full of notes into bedding in a minute flat (we’re still working on stealing the really important pages), and cute enough to stun at least half of every protagonist party. And has this endearing habit of curling around my neck and tickling my nose with her tail on cold nights. What’s not to like?

I’m thankful for the cheerful shouts of my minions as the flesh of the opposition is ground under their blades. Even when they’re just pulping fruit for the cranberry-orange relish.

And thankful for my minions themselves. Aside from the usual seasonal issues, morale has been high, particularly after the creation of an elite numbered division (thank you to TheZomb for that!) and the Nudelia Incident.

I’m thankful for lieutenants with clear heads who know how to follow orders from me and give orders to the minions. And even more thankful that only one of them has decided to try to take my place. And yet more thankful that he didn’t succeed.

I’m thankful for my fortress—for dragon-proof balconies with heavy armaments, for thistles in the lawn and brambles under the windows, for the little four-loaf-cleaver-stopping doorways, for the clouds overhead that tint themselves reddish brown at night.

I’m thankful for my colleagues, or at least those who are left.

And I’m thankful for all the bright young future Hands of Darkness who read my advice and learn from it. Confusion to our enemies!

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