The Generic Villain on Women in the Industry

Recorded live from a presentation by the Generic Villain at this year’s EvilCon.

All right, ladies, listen up.

I just got a note from PR saying that women in evil are still having issues with their intimidation quotient, particularly among secret agents, the educated, and snarky accidental rulers of major geographic locations.

Something’s got to change here.

First off, the dress code. I understand why so many of you seem to think leaving nothing to the imagination is a valid strategy. Many of you are from the Succubus school of villainy, and firmly entrenched in the idea that the way to defeat every hero is to get him out of his… armor. Others seem to be clinging to that outdated principle that the less you wear, the harder you are to hit.

To the first group, I would like to point out that the guys in the field have been doing it with considerably more success, for two reasons. One, they don’t depend on seduction as a tactic; it’s more a secondary thing. Two, they often appeal to things other than the immediate “SKIN!”, with the added bonus that they can do that particular job and still wear pants, and that people looking for the “SKIN!” tactic are less likely to figure out that they’re bad news. But even leaving that aside, the strategy only has a 5% success chance, and is even less likely to succeed among protagonists with Designated Love Interests. And since protagonists with Designated Love Interests are becoming more common by the day… let’s just say it isn’t going to work too well.

To the second: The Inverse Female Armor principle is a myth. While we do not have an actual time period for it, the current perception was that it was first begun by the perverted bard known as Amato the Red as a way of making his job more… satisfying. If his ghost is found, you will be the first to know.

In sum: For the love of all that’s unholy, GET DRESSED!

Next item!

This one goes out to the flirty fighters. There are limits to what we do. Teasing your protagonists is all very well, but do you really have to turn it into an extended sexual metaphor? Particularly when it’s always going through the same few lines about fire users, magic swords, and prowess? I can see a little leeway for teasing someone about how compensatory his four-loaf cleaver is, and I love witty flirty banter as much as the next dark megalomaniac, but if you’re going to use this tactic, at least make sure you’re good at it first. Research those who have come before you. Focus on the ones who were clearly respected, and emulate them. And whatever you do, if a line crops up more than four or five times in one research session, DO NOT USE IT. It’s long past the day it should have died. Instead, record it and send it along so it’s eradicated from the banter files.

This goes double for the BDSM crowd. Look, I know not everyone gets their kicks the same way. I know some of you have even managed to turn your skill with whips and chains and how you interact with pain into a source of power in combat. But then you take your proclivities there as well, and start engaging in lines that… well, I suppose if the object of the game is to scare the really innocent ones off the battlefield or confuse them, you might be on to something, but the rest of your foes are just rolling their eyes and deciding they’ll kill you first so they don’t have to listen to you.  Again, make it witty or don’t do it.

Unfortunately, the individual on the ground with the recorder was discovered by the guards at this point and had to change locations, interrupting the relay. Further portions of this presentation will be relayed Sunday if all goes well.

Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. The Generic Villain on Women in the Industry, Part 2 | Exchange of Realities
  2. The Generic Villain on Women in the Industry, Part 3 | Exchange of Realities
  3. The Generic Villain’s Guest Speaker (On Career Antagonists) | Exchange of Realities

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