(A thought exercise from the Management. I can neither confirm nor deny this incident.)

So here we are, thanks for inviting us, how are you this evening, is there somewhere I can put my cape? (all right, you two, scope out the snack table).

Really? REALLY? They did what? Those silly heroes.

Yes, Lilith still likes you. Come on out, Lilith! Skritches!

Oh, I’m sorry. She does that sometimes. They’re just play-bites, they don’t mean anything. Shall I get you a drink?

No, I don’t know what my minions are doing with that box… all right, seriously, 25, what is with the box? Don’t play games with me, I know how you two work.

Gethin! Hi! Didn’t have to reanimate the horse too many times on the way over, did you?

So what about that time when….

….and the other time when….

….(yes, yes, what is it? I’m busy here…. what? Of course there’s a doomsday device here, there’s always… pointed where? HOW charged? Get going, leave the diversion to me.) Oh, yes—but I’m quite parched. I believe you mentioned drinks?

I would like to propose a toast, to our most excellent hostess the Gratuitous Enchantress, who for these many years….

[this continues for several minutes, encompassing multiple epic near-victories, several collaborations, and a number of noodle incidents, including that time with the mink, the barrel of pork and the sundial]

…and in sum I wish to say, a toast to our hostess, may she ever defy whatever gravity she wishes!

No, really, you don’t have to make a competition of this. I know how difficult last-minute toasting can be. Imagine if we all have to jump in like high school valedictorians. Next thing we know they’ll using children’s books as a toast.

….that wasn’t meant as a suggestion…. (heh, heh, heh)

What do you mean, what was that? Old places like this, there are probably all sorts of things that go whump in the night.

An explosion? Are you sure?

We should investigate! Quickly now, the anti-fire spells! This way, right?

…huh, should’ve turned left. These old catacombs keep me so turned around. Perhaps this way? DANGIT, Lilith, don’t run off!

What do you mean, signs of sabotage?

All right, you two. Explain yourselves.

I believe, from the explanation my minions are giving me, that it is safe to say that they were invited. Is pointing a doomsday device at someone’s holdings not a way to invite that someone to play? And does not everyone who invites me to such games know that I tend to send these two minions ahead? Is it really my fault if you can’t create a device that they can’t disable?

(Best minion-justifying speech of the night! Yes!)

Well. It’s late, and I believe I’m supposed to have a case of the protagonists tomorrow. No, really, I don’t need the leftove—oh, all right. But only what these two can carry, got it?

Good night!

(…please don’t let the next one be my turn.)