Ravyn Freewrites: Dear Spammer….

Oh, how sweet! How did you know I used to love trying to make sense of non-English writing systems? And actually using ones I’m familiar with instead of always defaulting to Russian? Made my day.

You seem very determined to sell people boots. You know, back when I was on the old network, we had long forum arguments over whether it made sense for someone to sign a post with a link back to their sites. Most of our people said “Look, you already get the link from the credit for your comment, adding another one seems like pushing it too far.” Some even said that unless someone wrote a really, really good comment, they couldn’t tell the difference between an earnest new blogger looking to make a mark on the world and bring a few eyeballs home and a spammer trying to get pagerank for his or her favorite website. I think you’re having a little trouble with that.

My, some of you are veritable hoards of information! I must admit, all that detail is far too much for my poor tender head. If you didn’t have your blatant promotional links between each of your factoids (it must be a sign of your freethinking minds, to be able to go so quickly and without transition from how to lift things to fishing in an unfamiliar reason to buying a house), I might think you were discussing asthma when in fact you had long since moved on to the proper care and feeding of hummingbirds. (Come to think of it, could you plagiarize from something on hummingbirds, I need to figure out how to keep them from interpreting the library directions as a territorial/mating display because then you can’t get them back out! But I digress.)

It’s interesting how many of you seem to have problems with my RSS feed. You know, I’m pretty sure a quick google search would fix you right up.

For the others—I’m not sure whether to take your assurances that I’ll be better with experience as a compliment or an insult. Or, given it’s so boilerplate, did it not occur to you that I’ve been doing this for almost five years? Same goes for the people who talk about the improvements when I’m a more regular poster. My boyfriend talks a lot about how my old seven-a-week habit was feeding people’s entitlement complexes.

….did one of you just accuse the Generic Villain of deciding to complain about things rather than go out and change them? Since obviously you read the post all the way through and carefully considered your comment, clearly I must be having trouble getting across the character with whom I’m voicing these posts. At least you didn’t leave this comment on one of the Evil Overlord List riffs.

Why is the sweetest compliment in the entire lot from a guy pushing an escort service in Dubai? I think my brain just broke.

People, this site is supposed to be safe for work. I know how to use Google Translate, I can tell that’s a porn site.

I was once accused of moderating my blog to stifle dissent. ….honestly, if I wanted to stifle dissent, I’d just let you guys run wild. Nobody would be able to find the stuff.

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